In spite of my general tiredness, I've spent the past hour or so on Xanga, looking at all my old comments. For the uninitiated, I've had a Xanga since 2005, and in the three years that I regularly updated, I posted lots and LOTS of comments for people. It brought back memories, it made me smile, it was a lot of fun.
But you didn't think I'd be nostalgic for nostalgia's sake, did you? Of course not! As Motorhead so poetically put it, sometimes you have to look back to see where you stand. And in this case, I was looking back to find something I lack more often than I'd like to these days. Oh sure, nowadays I have the knowledge and the ability and the tools and the experience that I didn't have back then, but what I don't have is the catalyst for all of those -- ENERGY. Good ol' Leen*(hugs+flattery)!
What I came up with feels less like a MAGICAL BREAKTHROUGH, and more like something pretty obvious. Of COURSE I had more energy back then. My whole day was like one long adrenaline burst! I'd get up and spend the first hour and a half of the day listening to music, thinking about the day ahead, and getting myself pumped up. Upon my arrival to SHHS, I was presented with either a Hyper Lenny or Lennon in Alliese Mode, but not even the latter could break my stride! I was surrounded by PEOPLE, I was genuinely EXCITED about whatever I was doing, I was COMMITED to entertaining.
And come to think of it, the idea of an "Hour of Power" each day when you wake up is something that'd recommended by many motivational speakers and life coaches. Mine was built in back then. Every day I got to SHHS, I'd gotten myself to the same level I'd try to be at if I were standing behind a curtain at freakin' WrestleMania. That fire was what I was made of. That, more than anything, is what the difference has been.
It’s almost six in the morning, and I have something to say! Immediately after uploading that blog entry I made about an hour ago, I decided to work out. I started things up, started up the Rocky music, started moving, started sweating a bit, but something was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it. So I paused the music and laid down. And thought.
Laying down with no podcast, no blabbering RD Reynolds, no sounds was something I used to do a lot. ANd something I never EVER do now. And I think that was the start of what was bugging me. I spend so much of my life nowadays just feeling like the days are passing me by with nothing meaningful happening. And maybe a big part of that is that I just don't THINK about things enough. I could plan things, I could FEEL things, I could work on myself. I mean, the best breakthrough I ever made was just being positive, and it was made while I was thinking. As I thought, I realized that I felt like I was MISSING something. I decided to look back to see where I stand. I read my 2006 yearbook signatures, marveled that it was over two years ago now, and wondered what all those people were doing. I pulled down my 2005 yearbook, and did the same. I laughed at stuff I'd forgotten, but found nothing too interesting. Until I found this.
At first, it didn't seem like much to me. And then I stood up and tried to do that same pose, with that same look in the mirror. This set off frenzied pacing back and forth, punching of air, and a whole lot of motivation. I promised to give myself everything I had this time, to hold nothing back. And then I worked out. It was tough! But this, I feel, isn't really just about my weight, although to be objective I look like I'm pregnant. XD
I think the reason I have trouble folowing through sometimes is just that I set the bar too high. In that picture, I'm 16 years old. About three and a half years ago. I was mired in a whole lot of Ali, I was an immature jerk sometimes, and I didn't have nearly as good a grasp on things as I do now. What I did have was confidence.
Don't think for a second that I'm suggesting it's something I lack. It was more in the way I thought of myself, and not just that, but how other people seemed to think of me. My yearbooks are full of things like, "I better see you on TV someday, you weirdo," and, "I know you'll be on Broadway," and, "You've proven, time and time again, that while wrestling may be fake, it is also painful."
I mean the kind of confidence that FORCED me to slam my whole heart into things like I did. I mean the kind of confidence that let me see myself in the best way possible, that caused even Eileen herself to blather about how awesome I was, that got Jessica Danna to become somewhat obsessive for nearly a year, that was so damn disappointed when I didn't break into finals in my first tournament, that caused Jonathan to think I was crazy awesome before he even knew me, that made Ali want to rock my sock drawer, that made everyone around me laugh. On my birthday, I said that I hadn't done anything for a month. But when I consider all that, I almost feel like I've been sonambulating for years. Enough is enough, and it's time for a change.
JANUARY: The other day I said to myself, "Josh, you really need to find an attractive blue-eyed blonde to give you some head."
"Excellent idea, Josh," I replied. "But how to attract her mouth to the naughty region?"
"Simple!" I enthused, "Read your own blogs for two and a half hours and pick out interesting things you've said over the past year!"
There was a longish pause as I contemplated that one. ---------------------------- Sonic 2 was simple. Sonic Heroes is not. Holding down and pressing jump to spindash is simple. Hitting jump a second time while in mid-air to execute a special move is simple. Assigning eight separate special moves to two buttons is not simple . Standing in front of a wall I cannot cross because I have not pressed a button to cycle through a list of characters just so I can press another button, break the wall, and then cycle through the list again to get back to the character I was playing as is not simple. Removing useful functionality is not simple (well, it is, but for the wrong reasons). All of what I have described is simply more frustrating and cumbersome than it is simple or intuitive.
If the game is simple and easy to understand, shouldn't the player be able to do these things without the game forcing him in the right direction? Without the game holding his hand, always telling him what to do? If it is one thing studying marketing trends has taught me, it is that people, especially children, do not enjoy being talked down to. So why make a game that practically plays itself? Are they too stupid to understand what you are trying to do? If so, that's not really simple, is it? And if it is simple, and you're still holding the player's hand - leading him by a leash - then aren't you just wasting time? Sonic's not about wasting time. ---------------------------- Quite possibly the Best. Image. Ever.
FEBRUARY: 1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with? Alicia 1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life. 9.You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is it? Ideally, it would be one of the Great Lakes. I do love my large, useless bodies of water. 9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire. -----------------------------
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-------------------------------- I wasn't sure how I was going to write this. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, or where I was going to pull inspiration from. For a while, I debated whether to write this at all. This may be one of the hardest things I've done. But I've had a lot of stuff that's happened that's prepared me for this. I already feel like I've learned a lot from all this. And I guess I'm gonna tell the whole story. For those of you who'd rather not read the whole story, I'll sum it up:
By all outward appearences, Alicia and I are finished. ---------------------------------- So where does that leave me? I'm not sure if anybody remembers the movie "They Live," but if you do, it is probably only for a rather beautiful and unforgettable line of dialogue that was uttered by the main character: "I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I'm all out of bubblegum." But I feel that my dilemma is the opposite of Roddy Piper's in "They Live." You see, I've got plenty of bubblegum left, but I'm afraid that I'm all out of ass.
You see, not a day has gone by in the last seven and a half months that I haven't talked to Alicia, or gotten an e-mail from her, or at the very least thought about her. She has become a part of me. We all get attached to the little "pieces" that make up our daily lives, be they people, places, or things, and it's hard to cut yourself off from them. And yes, there is going to be a huge void in my life now. But maybe that void is exactly what I need, something to drive me on to whatever it is I'm going to do next. ----------------------------------- It's said the only human instinct more powerful than the desire to find a mate is the desire to survive. No matter what I do, I have this constant empty feeling right around my heart. My eyes constantly have that "just about to cry" feeling to them. But then I look in the mirror.
And I see in those eyes so much passion, desire, and heart, that even though I feel like I'm dying, even though I feel like I'm broken, even though I feel like the most vital piece of who I am has been ripped away from me, I know that never say die instinct is in full effect.
FUCK, I love her.
I'm not dying. I'm taking death and turning it into a chance to live. ------------------------------------- There is a risk when you break up: it is the risk to feel sorry for yourself. Friends, family and even your ex might project on you this aura of pity. Kick this out of your mind. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM!!! Capitals, exclamation marks, italics! Yes! I am screaming! All your base are belong to YOU! Shift your mind set! You life is open in front of you! You are free! Sure, you had other plans. Sure, your dreams did collapse. Sure, she's gone. Sure, you loved her. Is this the end? No fuckin' way! Why not? Because there is a force in you: It is called survival drive. You have the power to recreate your life any time, anywhere. ------------------------------------ For me, the passing of Mike Awesome was a really tough one. And that's for a simple reason: he inspired me. I saw Mike Awesome at ECW One Night Stand in 2005, and he represented everything I wanted to be. His moveset, his courage, his agility, his power, and his creativity were amazing, and I've never seen anyone wrestle a match quite like him. ------------------------------------ So away with the flowers, those dead plants as tokens of affection. Away with the choclate, the candy, the sweets, those sugary pursuits to purchase love. Away with the poety, those rotten verses of declarations of love. Away with the quest to prove YOURSELF! Let her prove HERSELF to you!
Be a Man! And with it, you will advance in your social life, your career, and even your dealings with women. Men are very rare these days so if you become one, you will be in HIGH demand. Your career will become better as people look at you as a leader. Life will re-develop before your eyes for you will obtain the most single quality that men, not trophy husbands, not nice guys, not tactiful players, but men have a monopoly on: Respect.
YOU are the MAN! For if you don't STAND for something, you shall FALL for everything! --------------------------------------- Over the past eleven days, a whole lot about me has changed for the better. --------------------------------------- Well, plus one for being a wrestling fan. ^_^ Minus several million for commiting the following crimes: • Sucking. • Sucking a lot. • Sucking on hamburgers. • Telling lies to virtually EVERYONE she claims to care about. • Annoying me. • Going out with Codey before we broke up. • Going out with Codey AFTER we broke up. • Calling aformented breakup a "recess" and claiming she wouldn't go with anyone else, though she already was. • Not getting me anything for Valentine's Day. • Smoking. • Drinking. • Stealing for no reason, other than she thinks it's fun. • Having unprotected sex with someone she says she doesn't even love. • Being engaged WHILE having unprotected sex with someone else. • Driving away someone she says she DOES love. • Deciding to be with someone who makes her happy for only that moment. • Thinking Chris Benoit is boring. • Wearing too much makeup • Being so obsessed with losing weight that she gets herself into serious issues. • Treating me, Codey, her parents, and so many others like dog shit. • At age 16, often displaying the approximate maturity of a hamster stapled to a calculator.
I think she knows what she's doing. Last night, she apologized profusely for ever doing this to me, and said she'd make things right. I doubt that. WHY, exactly, would I want to spend time with someone who will lie? Someone who won't be faithful? Someone who, whether she loves me or not, doesn't seem to have a grasp on the CONCEPT of love? Someone who lies, who refuses to learn a damn thing, who keeps falling back into her same old patterns? This is called leverage! And I've HAD IT with Alicia! And I'm not gonna take it anymore! What reason has she given me to believe in her? What has she done to prove a damn thing to me, the people around her, or herself? I'll tell you what she's proved to me.
She's proved she, like so many others, is not good enough to share a bed with the atomic superpower glowing like kryptonite inside my warm, giving heart! YE-US!
MARCH: Realize that you can look at what you and Codey are doing closely, and it's still only sex. Still just sex, and Alicia, people have sex every day. It's not really a big deal. But when I found out that you and Codey were fucking, when I heard you say those three words to him, both of us knowing what a lie it was... it was at about that point that something sank into my mind. Something that never occured to you. Take a look at yourself, and remember how you felt, because what you're doing is not just sex anymore. I have come to realize that when you fuck someone else, when you claim to love someone else, you rape my name, you rape my love for you, you rape our past, you rape our legacy, you rape the very life that I loved. I worked too hard and I suffered too long to have my heart torn up by you! So now I no longer have to wonder whether I have a place in my heart where darkness dwells, because I'm already there! I'm already there, and I don't have to deny it anymore. I will welcome it home as a long-lost friend, saying, "Welcome home, where have you been?"
You've awoken something inside of me that was sleeping for too long. Do you know what you've done?
You've given me a reason. -------------------------------------- JOSH CARES(tm) Hello, ladies. My name is Josh. As you know, many various proms are coming up, and I would like to remind you that I CARE about you!
Not that I'm eligible to go to most of them unless you invite me. I just thought you'd like to know.
"He's awesome. Duh" -Alicia Petry, before the Leen injection
"...so totally cool right now." -Ashley, random passing stranger
"Perhaps the most artistically legitimate comic-to-screen adaptation since Richard Donner's Superman." -IGN.com on X-Men 2
"Once in a lifetime, you meet a certain person who has a certain characteristic reflective of a certain something. Josh is one such person." -Lennon Martelli, sugargod
"...who?" -Ali Ryan
The ETSU Paper? The difference between your and you're? Public nudity laws? Josh has opinions on all these things... and MORE!
-JOSH will second you in all your duels! -JOSH will dance for you, whether you wish him to or not! -JOSH will give you a friendly nod if he passes by you, provided he recognizes you, which he almost certainly won't!
Who cares? JOSH CARES! -------------------------------------------- CHRISTY decided to make this event the night that the world saw how completely insane she really was. She began cackling and said that ice cream was her favorite food... to play in. On that note, she began to slap her hands into it while screaming. "Nyung! Nyah! Nyah!" I can't adequately describe how strange and disturbing this was. Imagine a young girl in a bikini standing in front of ice cream and then losing her mind. It's scarier than you'd think. -------------------------------------------- Alicia just said she'd call me back "later", which roughly translates to, "sometime between 2014 and never".
Something occured to me earlier. I'm glad this whole Alicia thing happened! From a personal standpoint, it's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I mean, if Alicia hadn't done what she did, I might have never made the changes that I'm making, the things I'm learning, the actions I'm taking, and the direction I'm gaining. I knew that I HAD to change something. And my life is much better than it used to be.
The flip side of that is that it's been a blessing to me, and something of a self-destructive spiral for her. I mean, it's gonna tear you apart to act the way she's been acting. And it is. Do I hate to see it? Yeah. Can I, personally, change it? Nope. Ah, she'll learn...
In the meantime, I'm going to keep getting better, keep setting goals, keep learning... keep living. The only way to break free is to break the mold. To do something different. Every step meets the rest. Your decisions now will shape your destiny. Choose wisely.
APRIL: Eventually, you’re armpit-deep in the game’s lack of a physics engine. Kingdom Hearts II has only two buttons worth mentioning: the Yay Button and the AWESOME Button. Press the Yay Button to send Sora cartwheeling and flipping around in an attempt to attack the enemies. He flies and flails around like a rag doll. I guess players like seeing their on-screen avatar go fucking nuts. When the game doesn’t have any depth otherwise, I guess that’s about all you’ve got. And even with the Awesome Button — press within a hot five-second window when a big triangle appears on-screen in order to cause something AWESOME to happen — which tries to inject some kind of cinematic verve into the mix, the game is a pale shadow of what it tries to be. The spectacle is watered-down and cheap. There’s no crunch at all.
One might say it’s possible to enjoy this game if you’re just there to see the cut-scenes and clap your hands maybe once every couple of minutes. One might even say that most of its audience enjoys the game because of its “Keep pressing the Yay Button until you win” mechanics, not in spite of them. I can go along with that, to a certain extent. I can nod and agree wholeheartedly when you say that maybe, this game just isn’t for me.
MAY: It's time for one of my favourite games, debuting this week and sure to become a major fixture. Let's play YOU ARE ALICIA PETRY, and you're in this situation. What do you do? A) Think about what I really want out of this, follow my heart, consider what will make me happy, and make a mature decision based on that. B) Continue dating a proud Nation of Domination member, with an IQ of under 10. C) I choose B, but also get drunk and become infatuated/mess around with ANOTHER man, who happens to live with the one I'm already dating. Make sure to give Josh NOTHING, do NOT take my own advice, and continue digging myself deeper into this pit.
If you chose C, then congratulations! --------------------------------------- IT'S ALMOST JUNE! YES! GOOD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN THEN!!
JUNE: For the first time that I'm aware of in television history, we watched a tribute to a man's life transform into the horrific realisation of the grizzly truth of what happened, all the while watching the tributes of his friends as their faces turned from mourning to betrayed dismay.
This feels like the day that the wrestling industry died. ------------------------------------------ JOSH: When do you get off? LENNON: 8 JOSH: Well then, since Amber apparantly can't do anything tomorrow... JOSH: I declare it "Find Out What the Hell WWE's Going to Do Now, then Discuss it On Your Radio Programme (And Love Josh and Lennon) Day". LENNON: umm.. ok LENNON: Edge and Batista had an interesting match it looks like on smackdown last week.
Now, if you correctly assume that nothing else was said about the matter, what did Lennon mean when he said, "Umm... okay"?
A) "Hm, well, sure, why not? Okay!" B) "I'm not so sure RAW's going to be interesting, but eh, okay!" C) "Umm, no."
If you chose answer choice "C", then congratulations!
JULY: Kacey Jenkins is one of those rare friends that you can always depend on to give you true, simple, and very very useful advice without becoming caught up in the minor details, and for that she's been responsible for the way I made more of my decisions than she could know.
We met in early 2004, and while as people we've changed quite a bit, our friendship has been steady and true. More than the advice-giving, Kacey, I'll remember the awesome memories. The bowling, the horrible movies, the toilet paper, the rock-eating, the laughs... ------------------------------------------------- Your hopes and prayers have been answered! Last night, I did something I've never done before. I broke up with someone. I'll spare you the details, but all you really need to know is that Josh Wallen, your paragon of virtue, is single once again! Anyone wishing to invite me to some sort of Josh-related celebration, let me know. ------------------------------------------------- I just now drove to ETSU in the middle of the night, headed to the CPA, sat down against one of the columns outside of it, and thought. I took a quick walk around the campus, and thought. I came home, looked up at the full moon, and as soon as I did, I saw a shooting star.
The way I see it, the next month might be the most important of my life. I have a choice to make. On August 30, I can be here, doing the same things I've done for a year and showing nothing. Being nothing. Or on August 30, I can prove I'm alive, I can be there, I can be more than this, and in general... I can be.
AUGUST: Alcoholic inebriation! Now when I think "party", I think... well, I think "good times". I think "fun". I think excitement and charisma and laughter. I do NOT think everybody hanging around talking about the same things over and over again, burning things for no reason.and passing around blunts. That's not a party, ladies and gents, that's a bunch of arrests waiting to happen.
But while I was there, another girl was talking about some dude who'd talked to her about how much he loved his girlfriend, and how sweet he was, on and on and on. She said, "Why can't all guys be like that?" Allow me to answer! Guys like that do not often get laid! But guys like that, whether they realize it or not, do not make getting laid a priority.
I do not make getting laid a priority. And that's why in 19 years, it's happened one time. I know how to be a jerk, and push and pull, and I know how to change my actions. I just don't want to change that part of myself, because I think it's a good thing. I know what I want, and as long as it takes me to find it, that'll just make everything that much sweeter.
At the time, I've got far more important things to focus on anyway. Follow that passion, choose your life, and live. He who dares, wins. ------------------------------------------------- EXCENUATE THE POSITIVITY. Focus on the mind, the wit, the smile, and everything that makes me who I am. Show it! Live! The only way you're gonna get the affection of people is to do things that garner it! And once you start doing that, you start building momentum.
Not going to college, the end of an engagement, and focusing on the wrong things have stripped me of who I am! And the only way I can regain that energy is to change. To avoid change now would mean a loss of identity. And it's all so abstract, my thoughts so cloudy, my passion so alive, but so unclear.
Who I am is so unclear, because I haven't been that guy since January. To be honest, it was probably back in July 2006 that I was really where I needed to be. And I'm finally realizing just how much I've lost.
But I've been here before. There's one way to get it back. I said it best a long time ago. Faith. I believe in me.
THAT'S what I've lost, as a result of all this crap, of trying so damn hard to get back ONE thing that I lost who I was in the process. And even before that, of making said thing (Alicia) such an integral part of my life that when I had to live without her, I DID lose myself! Lemme tell ya somethin', there was a time not so long ago that I never doubted myself.
Essentially, I've got to un-train myself from thinking in terms of Alicia or Nothing, and just shut up and do it. I mean, once upon a time, yeah, I wanted a close relationship blablalblahsex, buuuut instead of sitting around thinking about how bad it was that I couldn't FIND her, or in this case GET her, I would actually LOOK and DO and LIVE... you know, I would actually TRY instead of COMPLAIN. And who's to say that TRYING won't get the same results it did before? Afterall, you can't find someone you're not looking for, and you can't be with someone who is clearly indifferent to your awesomeness.
I feel better already. --------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------- It's your old buddy, YOUR OLD PAL, Josh Wallen comin' at'cha LIVE via web delay ONCE AGAIN... from the ETSU campus.
I don't think I can put words to how good it is to be back. I mean, it just blows my mind to sit in a class and think about how awesome this is, how grateful I am for this opportunity, and for everything that's happened over the past year.
SEPTEMBER: It's a barrel of laughs and a good experience, but never EEEEEEVER fall in love with a 16-year old. Their decision-making process is like WWE's feeling toward John Cena.
"Let's put the belt on an annoying wigger with no real character! Ah, the fans are sick of him to the point of hoping even Orton wins the title! ......LETZ PUSH HIM HARDER FOR THE WIN!!!!!" -------------------------------------------------- ETSU. Four weeks in, and I still can't believe I'm back there. It's awesome, vindicating, invigorating, and awesome again. After everything that's happened in 2007, the theme of the year for me seems to be something I heard the Rock say in January. "It's a whole new world out there when you earn things."
I feel like that's what's happening. All the things, and all the accolades I had a year ago that I lost or dropped, I'm earning them all back. I've commited myself to this.
Life is good.
OCTOBER: You know, as a college student who believes knowledge and wit are some of the best things in the world, someone like me should have the maturity, education, and tact to eloquently summarize what has occured into proper elocution..."ten dollar words," if you will.
And collectively, we, the fans of the franchise, are capable, together, to send a message to both Sega AND Nintendo that this--not the 360 Sonic, not Shadow, not even the Olympic Games--may serve to be the true reinvention of Sonic as he should be--with the attitude that, in his prime, broke all the rules of gaming characters and set the tone and pace of many who attempted to follow in his quick footsteps. Yes, this may, in the oddest of manners, be the stepping stone to the return of Sonic's roots.
Now then.
OMYGOD OMYGOD OMYGOD SONIC IN BRAWL OMYGOD OMYGOD I JUST FELL ON THE DAMN FLOOR AND I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING OMYGOD OMYGOD OMYGOD OMYGOD I'M JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND IT'S 4 IN THE MORNING OMYGOD OMYGOD OMYGOD
GAME OF THE MILLENNIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel half my age, and as a gamer it's the best I've felt since... well, when I was half my age. XD ---------------------------------------- The DP Culp Center is pretty much the heart of ETSU. Unfortunately, it's been under construction for the past year, and has been especially bad in the 8 weeks we've been back.
So due to this construction, today the only way to get to the Cave, the Ten Forward of the campus, is by going up an elevator, through the food court, and down the stairs. A few minutes ago, a group of maybe 20 people, myself included, was waiting for the elevator. It seemed to be taking an unreasonably long time. I walked to the front of the group and couldn't help but notice that the "up" button light wasn't on.
I looked at the button, at the people, back at the button, and pushed it. Ding! The doors swished open.
I'm sorry, I thought we were in college here! I could excuse someone from Iowa making this error, but come on! XD Out of 20 people waiting, why does only one notice that no one bothered to hit the button?
NOVEMBER: God, do I ever love Randy Orton. He just won't stop being an utterly incompetent failure at everything he does. He pretty much sucks at everything. Speaking in complete sentences featuring polysyllabic words. Being a decent human being. Main eventing wrestling shows. You name it, Orton can't do it. ------------------------------------------ Breasts are like God's gift to the world. Art, if you will. Which is why one of the most tragic things on this Earth are breast implants. Why? Why why why? Why must you defile nature like that? It's like painting a handlebar moustache on the Mona Lisa. Defilement, at its worst. First of all, they're so fucking obvious. Its like someone cut a coconut in half and just stuck them on your chest. That's horrible. And some of them, they'll be big sure, but then they'll be so far apart, I swear, you could drive a fucking golf cart up straight up her chest and still clear either boob by a couple of feet. And that's not even mentioning the scars.
And then, they're hard! Breasts should be soft, like fluffy pillows. Or clouds. Not like the rocky shore of California. Advances in technology what the fuck ever. Those fake-os will never match the quality of the real deal. If you can use your chest to beat someone senseless, they are too hard. If you give people hugs, and they pass out from the pain, they are too hard. If you can knock yourself out from jogging, they are too fucking hard. Small soft ones will always be infinitely preferable to large, hard ones.
And we can always tell. Men are natural connoisseurs. We would be a shame and a disgrace if we couldn't. Like Spider-Man getting blindsided. Our Boobie Sense guides us. Or some crap.
So yeah, boobs are great. Ladies, if you're reading, for the love of God, don't defile them. Don't get implants. Do not tattoo them. That's just vandalism right there. Do not freak out if they're not as big as you'd like. Appreciate them. We certainly do. And wear more clothes with cleavage. I command it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more connoisseuring to do. --------------------------------------------- For two years running, women have cheated on me and broken up with me in mid-February. And while that sucks and all, what's interesting is that two years running, I was in some insanely positive uber state by mid-March. Particularly in 2007, I HAD to pull all my heart and all my resources because I'd been so disrupted and hurt. I HAD to overcome those odds and pull myself together.
Those aren't the only examples. I always seem to bring out the best of myself when I'm highly disrupted and challenged. It's a pattern. I go down, and I shoot up higher. Why do you think the War is so happily remembered to this day? Positive bounce-back.
What I need to do is harness that power to be able to disrupt myself. All my examples so far seemed almost like life-threatening obstacles when they happened. Obviously it'd be a bad idea to try to live like that. So I need to be able to challenge myself. I need to be able to show that heart and drive, even if I'm not in a bad situation.
I've done that before. And I can do it some more. Fall 2003 was the first time I was there. And again from April-September of 2004. Problem was, I didn't have the experience to sustain it and use it once I got there. So the question is simple now! What worked before works now. So how did I get there?
That's what the next level is. It's heart, desire, passion, LIFE. I won't stagnate. --------------------------------------------- A huge motivation for me right now is, in fact, a girl. And I know I've blogged in the past about how that's not always the best idea, but we're in such an awesome situation right now. Her name is Erin, and I've known her since October 2006. And over the past two months or so, we've gone from being really awesome friends to being a whole lot more than that. It's deep, it's awesome, it's real, it rocks my face off.
DECEMBER: You have probably not noticed a seismic shift in my Top 8. Yes. You see, you are now only allowed to be called one of my eight BEST friends if your display name includes your actual name. Quit naming yourselves random quotes, lyrics, and shit, because that just makes things confusing.
Hugs & Kisses, Josh ----------------------------------------------- FINE-LY! Josh and Lennon HAVE COME BACK to the podcasting scene! After six long, deprevating months of no JL Radio... the boys can only vaguely remember how to do it. Join_Us.222 as we try desperately to avoid talking about the Great Wall... ah, there we go again! ------------------------------------------------ I feel like I'm about to cry, just because I'm freaking out so much. I've been flipping through old yearbooks. What caught my eye more than anything else was the 2004 edition. The 1940's Radio Hour... it has been FOUR YEARS since I saw that, and I can't believe it. Four years since the touchy-feely, and the week of Alliese, and 2+1+1=3, and the Matrix Revolutions, the Rundown, and... where the hell is the time going? Four long years since I was absolutely crazy with passion about Showstoppers, since Eileen went around yelling, "No me gusta!", since Lennon disrupted the fire/air connection. Good GAWD. -------------------------------------------------
1. why does any ever care what i have to say for over half the people i meet when i talk they buzz me off but pretend like they where listning.
2. why do people even care about me realy what makes you actualy care that i exist what do i actualy bring to you.
3. if my post are so freaking bad why do i bother why dont i just delete everthing that i have that has anything to do with my opinoin.
4. why the HELL do people like to toy with me like i am some freaking GAME it seams i am just a large punching bag with witch you beat on all the time.
5. if our society could be based on one word what would it be thinking about everyone killing blowing eachother up sewing eachother i beleive it is greed and or hate.
...oh dear. These questions, while not bad in principal, are definitely not up to the standards this blog has. *Fix*
1. Why does anyone even care what I have to say? When I talk to 50% of people, they ignore me, but PRETEND like they were listening.
2. Why do people even care about me, really!? What makes you actually care that I exist? What do I actually bring to you?
3. If my posts are so freaking bad, why do I bother? Why don't I just delete everything that I've written that has anything to do with my opinion?
4. Why IN THE BLUE HELL do people like to toy with me like I'm some freaking GAME? It seems I'm just a punching bag for you to beat on all the time.
5. If you had to sum up our society in one word, what would it be? Thinking about everyone killing, blowing each other up, sewing each other... I beleive the answer is greed or hate.
Whew, that's better. I don't konw what you mean by people "sewing" each other, but being covered in tiny threads can't be that bad.
ANYWAY, let's get you some answers!
1) Yeah, everybody tunes people out sometimes. Don't take it personally. They might have something else on their minds, or they might not be interested in whatever you're talking about. I could go up to someone and spend many hours talking about Sonic, but there's no way they'd pay attention for long UNLESS they see the awesomeness of Sonic like I do. You've got to make sure you can engage in conversations with people, and not just talk AT them. And when you do talk at them, make sure it's interesting and entertaining enough that their attention won't wander too much. My Psych teacher is an awesome lecturer, but even he has plenty of people falling asleep in class. He just laughs at this and has everyone "WOOOO!" like Ric Flair. In conclusion, again, don't take it personally, because it's something we all do.
2) Assuming you're talking about "you" as "people in general", the answer is "whatever you choose to". Contribution is something we as humans NEED to be fulfilled in our lives. We have to feel like we're bringing something good to people. So quit wasting your time asking yourself disempowering questions like, "What makes people care I exist?", and focus your energy on giving yourself those reasons.
3) Sounds like Sarah made a joke, or something. The fact that you're going through this now though is a good thing, I believe. People always say, "Man, learn to take a joke!" And this is good because it's teaching you how to take a joke. Look man, one of the best things you can learn to do is laugh at yourself. And to that end, when people that you KNOW care about you poke some fun at you, you can laugh and poke fun right back. Some people base their entire relationships on stuff like this, so learn it and enjoy it. ^^
4) This kind of ties into what I said in number 3. And I don't know what specific situation you're refering to, but it sounds like you need to change the meaning you attribute to that situation. Look, if you feel like a punching bag, then use that as motivation to get better and get stronger at whatever it is you're doing. Don't let it jade you, but use it and learn from it! You're not a game, that's Triple H. But if people are messing with you in a jokey way, just do the same right back to 'em and have fun with it.
5) All right, look... you get what you look for. You go where you focus. Everyone has good and bad in 'em, and so does the world, and so does life. Don't fall into the trap of always looking at how bad the world is, because that in turn will make you focus on what's bad about you. If you judge others, you'll judge yourself. If you hate others, there's a very good chance you'll hate yourself. And you don't want that. So quit looking for the bad, and look for the good. I'm not saying you should be a flower-child who ignores the bad stuff, but quit focusing on what's bad about the world. It can change your life.
Oh yes, this Xanga HAS updated for the first time since July!
